How to fake a suicide attempt.

1. Make sure someone is there to see the whole thing.

2. Take just enough pain pills to make yourself violently ill but not enough to kill yourself.

3. Make a big show of it.

4. When that special someone tries to stop you from taking more pills, take another small amount of pills and wrestle around with that person when they try to stop you.

5. Make a big show of it.

6. When the paramedics arrive and ask if you were trying to harm yourself, reply in the affirmative so that everyone knows what you were up to.

7. Go to the hospital and have your stomach pumped.

8. Call a press conference.

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